Kid: What’s “proud”?
Me: It’s when you do something great and you feel good about yourself. Can you think of something that makes you feel proud?
Kid: Fixin’ glasses.
Archive for May, 2008
You Know They’ll Be David Blaine’s Last Words
May 29, 2008Magic is real and I love it.
-3rd grade boy
And, Praytell, Who Among Us Can Say They Don’t?
May 29, 2008I know I’m not supposed to squeeze cats. I just want to.
-Kindergarten girl
Admit It, We’ve All Got Someone We’d Like To Say This To
May 29, 2008Kid Who Likes Me: You should come live with me!
Me: Yeah? Well, do you have a bed for me to sleep in?
Kid Who Likes Me: Yeah!
Me: And a pillow?
Kid Who Likes Me: Yeah!
Me: And food to make me dinner?
Kid Who Likes Me: Yeah! And a dog for you to play with!
(pause)
Kid Who Doesn’t Like Me: I’m gonna buy a shark and he’s gonna eat your glasses.
Well, It’s Someone Who Rejects The Idea Of A Capitalist…Oh.
May 29, 2008Kid: What’s a commie?
Me: A what?
Kid: A commie. That thing.
Me: Oh. A comma.
I Think This Is How The Teen Pregnancy Lifetime Movie Starts
May 29, 2008I’m out at recess with the first graders.
Kid: Miss Red, John and Suzy are doing something they’re not supposed to be doing.
Me: What are they doing?
Kid: (casts eyes down, pauses for about five seconds, then says in barely a whisper…) Weenie.
